Don’t give in to the dark side of social media.

Do not underestimate the power of social media. Remember that scene in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi where Luke Skywalker stands before the Emperor, who is showing him that his friends are in peril. It was a purposeful goad designed to enrage Luke to become tempted into lashing out in anger and become seduced by the dark side of the force and transform into an evil Sith Lord.

Well, that’s you and that Facebook post that’s pissing you off.

We’ve all been there. You look at the post. So offensive or insulting. And with your mind’s eye, you look at your growing rage to grab your phone like it’s Luke’s lightsaber temptingly sitting at the side of the Emperor. You just want to grab it, tap your keyboard and strike back with a flaming clap back or comment.

Emperor: Yes… you want this. I am unarmed. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side of social media will be complete!!

Will you strike back and give in to the dark side of social media?

Luke didn’t because he was able to catch himself and realize giving to his anger would take him down the same destructive path as his father Anakin Skywalker. Anakin gave to anger and fear to become the evil Sith Lord Darth Vader. Or maybe Luke didn’t because Luke knew he had to stick around and be a good Jedi long enough to make a bad movie (cough, The Last Jedi).

I’m going with the first reason.

When you see a post or comment that’s offensive, ignorant or hurtful it’s sooooo tempting to want to respond back and deliver that punch or bon mot that you feel is a mic drop.

Don’t. You’re better than that.

Though the History Channel hasn’t done a documentary on this yet, stupid people have been with us since the beginning of time. It’s true! People are always saying stupid and offensive things. Social media and its power to share the most trivial of thoughts simply made it possible for lots more stupid and offensive things to reach you.

Don’t argue with a pig, It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Even in the face of new information, people are resistant to change. In fact, research has shown, that the more clear and powerful the reason to change a point of view is, the more likely people will double down.

Some people just aren’t in a place where they are receptive to your comments. Either they don’t like being told they are wrong. They might feel embarrassed they are wrong or get angry you called them out. Sometimes all three. So even if you are right, they may react in the wrong way.

Don’t give in to anger. That leads to the dark side.

It’s also likely, if you respond, you’re responding out of anger. Problem is, anger really doesn’t want to help educate. Anger “gets off” on hurting and destroying. As President Richard Nixon said,

Always remember, others may hate you, but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself.

If the person you’re angry with doesn’t have the decency to concede that you “burned” them or ignores you, your anger (or lust for vengeance) can just grow until you become overly obsessed and that anger begins to destroy you more than it hurts them.

In the early days of social media, that was me. This idea that every comment I didn’t agree with or thought offensive could be taken care of with the right comment. I eventually learned it doesn’t work that way. What’s worse is that you’re on your way to becoming a troll yourself.

You’re feeding trolls. Don’t feel the trolls

Trolls are the “dark side of the force.” They are people whose anger or self-hate is sustained by the perverse feeling of inciting frustration and pain in others. In short, winning for a troll is making you mad. Even if your comment or point of view is right, a troll won’t admit it. In fact, having your mind blown and getting angry from having your reasonable idea rejected is precisely what they want.

Your comment won’t end things. It will add.

Even good mic drop of a response to a troll is just a splash in the water the other trolls. Like sharks, they’ll hear the drama and come towards to join the attack.

Meanwhile Facebook is laughing its ass off and getting rich.

Social media collects information about you through what content you provide them, so as you post on topics, platforms like Facebook or just taking notes and selling your topic pet peeves interests to advertisers.

Is this really worth your time?

Is spending 2 days arguing about if a political leader is an idiot or fighting over a director’s film casting decision worth it?

If you want to comment on social media. 5 Rules for posting.

1. Wait.
2. Wait some more.
3. Don’t argue.

It’s so tempting to jump in and share an opinion on social media but, rarely, does this result in a healthy, constructive discussion. Instead, it becomes a thread of one person finding ways to discount the validity of another person’s opinion based on some personal attack and it’s just plain counterproductive.

It adds negativity to an already volatile situation. Post your idea and clearly and fact focused as you can. Then leave and don’t look back. Let other act on it as they will. Don’t look back for validation of your “great idea.”

4. If you absolutely must keep posting or responding to comments, stick to facts and don’t get emotional.

Don’t take other people’s opinions personally. That’s a very, very hard thing to do so don’t overestimate your ability to keep it civil. Also, share your opinion and don’t get sucked into a back and forth exchange with someone who clearly doesn’t want to consider your perspective. You will find the occasional open-minded person who genuinely wants to hear what you have to say–but most people just want to be right.

5. Unfollow or unfriend.

If someone continues to share an opinion and perspective that you find personally offensive (and you can’t let it go), you can make the choice to remove them from your virtual life (just understand that this will likely have an impact on your real-life relationship).

Depending on the platform, you will have several options for how to remove someone’s toxic profile from your life. You can unfollow them which will effectively remove them entirely on most platforms such as Twitter or Instagram. Remember, they will be able to see that you no longer follow them.

6. Engage on other media.

If certain people infuriate you but you don’t want to lose a connection, use less text-driven social media like the picture-focused Instagram to keep in touch.

7. Let people be wrong. Let them find the way on their own.

There’s a term I call “walk the path.” For most human beings there is a difference between intellectually understanding a solution and coming to the point where you feel the belief.

To get a belief that you will internalize and act on, people have to “do the math” themselves. When you confront people, research shows people tend to double down on their beliefs. So don’t confront. Be subtle. Say or post things that don’t directly attack their belief but instead serve as breadcrumbs that they can discover themselves and find the path to your point themselves.

8. Save your comments for in person.

True story. Based on a lot of Facebook posts I’ve seen over the years, a really lost a lot of respect for people I grew up with. I saw some ignorant, hateful and, quite frankly, racist ideas. Then I went to my High School reunion. Seeing the offline reminded me they were human and, though it didn’t change my option on some of their comments, it did remind me to look at their comments in perspective. That I’m talking to a human being and not one stupid posted line.

Anger is the Internet’s middle name. If you let it, it will change you more than you change it. Don’t give in to its dark side by raging on social media.

Luke: You failed your highness. I am a Jedi. Like my father before me.

Hey, I wrote a book about being mindful in the new age of content.

Does This News Make You Look Fat? A book about media consumption and how the way we consume it makes us intellectually obese. Preview or buy the ebook at Amazon.